Pass out mid-funnel last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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