I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
