he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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