people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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