ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
