i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
