it wasn't lemon gatorade
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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