he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
