hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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