Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
