There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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