we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
