some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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