it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
