maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She bit a glass in half.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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