loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've blown a few things in my day
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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