laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
