Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
