Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
