all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
