Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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