Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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