Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
