I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
