After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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