If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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