So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this boner is exhausting
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
