I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
