May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
