You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I did not marry a roomba.
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