This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
