I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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