If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
