Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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