"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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