i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
