Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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