Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
