I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
