if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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