Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
