Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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