phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
