No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
