So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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