I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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