New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
