Duck Duck Cougar?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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