So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
