I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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