you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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