I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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